ELKHART, INDIANA
“2 Corinthians 12:9 - My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”
OUTGOING | POSITIVE | GOOFY | CARING
My Story:
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been really… anxious. Anxious about school, anxious about my family and friends, and anxious about my body. Until high school, I thought it was completely normal. I thought everyone had constant thoughts about how everything could go wrong at any waking moment. When I walked into the building my freshman year and it all got worse, I realized that I needed help. I started going to therapy for chronic anxiety as well as persistent depressive disorder (formerly called dysthymia). Now is the time people start thinking “Oh my stars, something terrible must’ve happened that she needs therapy! Why is she talking about it?!” In reality, nothing especially traumatic has happened to me that triggered this. Therapy is just a tool I use to help me figure out what’s going on in my head. In fact, I think everyone could seriously benefit from at least one session, but that’s beside the point.
Throughout freshman year, I struggled silently around my peers. I refused to open up to anyone else but my therapist. I continued to try and stay quiet through the entirety of my sophomore year, but I started to have anxiety attacks every week and every night, and eventually, during the school day. I was taking hard classes with lots of homework that I didn’t understand and with the horror of a “B+” looming over my head, I began to lose control. Junior year was also a steady decline. Classes got even harder and I had even less spare time to take care of myself. I didn’t get into Concord Singers when my friends did. It was really, really hard. The whole year just felt like there was a giant rain cloud above me. I got more depressed and ended up having to go on medication. (I know, I know, another taboo. But it’s seriously time to stop associating guilt with these tools!) Even when I was smiling and appeared happy, I was going through hell. At the end of my junior year, we found out that my grandma had breast cancer for the second time. At this same time, I got into a fight with my best friend. I was absolutely falling apart.
My life started to turn around when I got accepted to go on SSTT (Study Service Theology Term) with Goshen College to Guatemala. Different from a mission trip, this “term” was focused on learning about the suffering and perseverance of the South American people as well as the presence and teachings of Christ in Guatemala. I learned so much there. I became more optimistic and decided to pledge my life to live according to Jesus’ teachings. I started volunteering with a worship team to lead youth worship at a neighboring church. I joined a Bible study. Then, senior year started. It started out amazing. I got a lead role in the musical I was looking forward to, I got baptized, and I was officially a new member of Concord Singers. But, I started having to go to college auditions for musical theatre programs and things started spiraling out of my control again. With this new loss of control, I developed an eating disorder. I never did anything serious, but people need to realize that not every eating disorder ends up in hospitalization. That was one of the problems I had. I felt like since I didn’t purge and only skipped meals instead of prolonged fasting, nothing was wrong. But now I realize that not one persons’ problems are more important than another's.
These past four years have contained so much struggle, but also so much growth. Even though some of it has sucked, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I still have anxiety. I still have depression. I still am struggling with eating. I still go to therapy. BUT, I know that God has my best interest at heart. It’s definitely hard to believe it during this time of quarantine, but I’ve grown closer to God during this time and have learned not to take anything for granted.
Favorite part of working with PAT+CASSIE:
You guys do amazing with working around busy schedules! I don't know how I could take my senior photos without you guys!
What advice would you give underclassmen?:
Don't take anything for granted. Don't take yourself too seriously!
Instagram: lara_claassen
